Meet Those Who Bring You Occam’s Taser

by Katie Gangloff

These are the people that put up with it all, just for you.
Everyone filled out these four questions. You can use number four to start filling that awkward silence!

1. Name, age
2. Describe yourself in one word.
3. Tell us about your most awkward moment.
4. Craziest thing you’ve found in research.

1. Lizzy, 21
2. Fetch
3. I am so endlessly awkward.  However, the most uncomfortable moment of my life was actually NOT my fault.  It was a first date I went on a few years ago.  I met this guy at a concert and we ended up having a really good conversation about music, then found out we both went to the same university.  With a few things in common, a couple beers in me, and the tantalizing allure of this guy’s crater-like dimples, I agreed to a date.  Long story short: Hot-Shot picked me up in his dad’s Mustang, we rocked out to NICKELBACK (shudder) the entire way to the restaurant, and once we got there this guy turned Hulk on me and wolfed down TWO full meals and four beers as he discussed his love for George W. Bush and Brad Paisley – essentially, my worst nightmare.  If that wasn’t enough, when the meal was over I was ready to go home, but ladies man had other plans.  He said, “I’ve got a surprise for you.” as we walked over to his car and he popped the trunk.

My first thought, “PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!”

He pulled out a bottle of champagne and a blanket, and the plan was to “enjoy” ourselves on Oak Street beach.  THIS.WAS.A.FIRST.DATE.  Am I crazy?  DUDE YOU’RE TRYING TOO HARD.  We awkwardly lounged on the beach and went through an hour of unbearable silences before I convinced him I had work in the morning.  Here’s the kicker, I felt like I had to make out with him just so I could go home, shame on me.
4. Did you know that a sneeze travels out of your nose at 100mph?  You can thank Snapple cap facts for that one.  Who the hell tests that?  I want to meet the guy who decided to stick a speedometer next to some dude’s snot.

While we’re on the subject, check out the grossest video I’ve ever seen in my life:

1. Margo, 21
2. Injured (I hurt myself all the time, accidentally, of course.)
3. The most awkward moment in anyone’s life is when their mom explains the birds and the bees and everything in between. It’s only that awkward because you realize that’s what your parents did at least once.
4. There’s a lot of research out there about whether or not a duck’s quack echoes. “They” say it does echo, then another “they” says it doesn’t.  How can this be that debatable?  The experiment should just require a duck, a valley, and one ear. I’ve got two, but no duck, otherwise I’d get straight to the bottom of this.

1. Peter, 26
2. Curious
3. Most awkward moment?  How about this one?
4. Canadian researchers have found that Einstein’s brain was 15% wider than normal.  Read more.

1. Daniella Lee, 21
2. Solid
3. My life is an awkward moment. But the worst are when I make a joke and no one laughs. It happens almost every time I make a joke.
4. We eat 430 bugs in a lifetime, we should try and make a recipe for them so they taste better.

1. Katie, 21
2. Simple
3. My most awkward moments are when you wave to someone you know and then they totally don’t acknowledge you.
4. There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people.  The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million!

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